The secret to a successful co-parenting partnership is to set aside your personal feelings and focus solely on the child’s needs. You and your ex must remain on your best behavior whenever your child is around. Children can’t understand why one parent is being disrespectful to another. Children sense energy and can sense conflictual, argumentative, or negative emotions. They should be treated with respect and love, even if it means avoiding the other parent’s company.
Setting ground rules
Clearly defining your parenting styles is essential to a successful co-parenting relationship. If you disagree on a certain topic, it may be helpful to set ground rules for communication. Likewise, if you have very different parenting styles, you may want to establish boundaries and stick to your own methods. Children function better when parents stick to the same routine and rules, so it’s important to keep your parenting styles similar.
When setting ground rules for co-parenting, remember that you are working with your kids and not your ex. They deserve the best and should get equal time with both parents. Make sure you don’t interfere with your ex’s time with the kids or send constant texts. Try to avoid physical contact with your ex if you’re able to, but if this is impossible, consider hiring a mediator or co-parenting counselor.
Communicating with your ex
Communicating with your ex while co-parenting can be difficult, but it is absolutely essential to avoid conflict. Communication between the parents should be open and honest, whether this means in-person communication or communicating electronically. The two of you may need to set some boundaries for communication, such as not communicating after 8:00 p.m. If this is the case, you should both adhere to these rules. Even if you don’t agree on every issue, remember that your children need both parents to be involved in the lives of their children.
If your relationship with your ex has turned toxic, you need to show maturity when communicating with him or her. Make sure to listen to your ex and don’t give in to the urge to lash out. If you find yourself in a situation where your ex has acted inappropriately, you need to remind them of their boundaries and take action if necessary. You don’t want your children to be burdened with negative emotions or the feeling of choice. Keep your child informed of your communication and make sure they know that both parents are in control.
Having a “go-to” parent
When it comes to co-parenting, it can be difficult to stay on top of all the information you need to make decisions for your child’s future. Whether it’s important medical information, daycare schedules, or schedule changes, having a “go-to” parent will help you manage the situation and communicate with your ex effectively. While this can be difficult, it can be a necessary part of co-parenting.
Having a “go-to” child can be helpful in preventing fights and maintaining a good relationship with your ex. When you and your ex have children, you need to recognize that your co-parent is someone the child looks up to and who they turn to for guidance. It is important to maintain an appropriate level of respect for each other’s authority, as well. If one parent does not respect the other parent’s authority, this will send mixed messages to your child.
Avoiding using kids as messengers
Experts in co-parenting recommend avoiding using kids as messengers when possible. Kids are meant to be kids, not messengers for one parent to another. It’s better to have difficult discussions without the children in the room. Kids are not meant to be espionage agents; CIA agents do that. Instead, try to keep your end goal in mind and don’t sweat the small stuff.
One common example of how to avoid using kids as messengers is to keep your communication between the two parents to a minimum. While email communication is a great way to stay in touch, kids can be easily overheard or accidentally accessed, which is not a good thing. Children also don’t need to mimic your displeasure by passing along messages. In fact, the very act of relaying messages can cause emotional damage for the child.
Stresses of co-parenting
When parents share custody of a child, the stresses of co-parenting can be overwhelming. For example, if one partner is rigid, it can make co-parenting difficult and frustrating. If your partner is rigid about bedtimes, pickup times, and custody arrangements, it may be better for everyone if you can compromise and work toward common goals. Here are some tips for co-parenting with less conflict.
Make an individual effort to be compassionate, respectful, and empathetic. The stress of co-parenting may be much less than it otherwise is, and you and your child might even flourish. Regardless of the stressors in your life, co-parenting with children can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. Follow these tips to make co-parenting more manageable and rewarding. If you and your ex-partner can be compassionate and considerate of each other, co-parenting might be much easier and your children will grow into healthy and well-adjusted individuals.
